Edit: Thanks everyone for your feedback! LP has been removed.
nice, but maybe to much text at the beginning?! try pictures first than some text and than more pix
Huge wall of text.. kinda hits you in the face. Add a real header, some graphics and a sidebar to break it up a bit.
Launch it with 2nd variation and start split testing. Critiques and Opinions are only guesses. This huge wall of text could convert amazingly. only way to know is to test it.
Also test a version with less blue links. It comes off sort of spammy. It may seem like it'd be backwards, but that many links could turn a reader away quick (especially after clicking on your ad). Try it and see how it does.