Please rate my LP (17)
I just created my first LP with unbounce. Here is the screenshot. Any comment would be highly appreciated.
I would call it a decent one (LP CTR wise) but I think few changes off the bat could make it more convincing.
1) Work on the copy
2) Mention something like "Registration are open till 06/11/2013" instead of offer may expire soon.
And.....One must do thing will be to test your LP's 
Thank you for the comment. The problem is English is my 3rd language 
I have no idea what to do? It is really killing me.
^^ Stick to campaigns in your language mate! You have an advantage of us English speakers.
Originally Posted by Mr Green
I'm sure you could find people online to write good copy for you. Have you tried Fiverr.com? (And by the way, your English isn't that bad at all)
Just search for "copywriting" on Fiverr: http://fiverr.com/gigs/search?utf8=%...99912_2_auto=1
Originally Posted by yourfoothealth
I see you have two options now.
1. Go for direct linking campaigns. This will limit the amount of copy you will have to write.
2. Hire someone to write for you like @stridone mentioned fiverr or you could try onehourtranslation.com.
Mind you, your copy isn't actually too bad! You can use the STM POF Spy Tool http://affexpert.com/pofsp1/index.php to get more ideas for your landers.
Your lander you have is a good start, but you always want to be split testing others with it.
@stridone, I used to be a freelancer there for a while and also managed to find some people to do some stuff for me as well. It's hard to find people who knows what you know! Writing ads, landing page contents is not the thing that everyone is good at. You need to train them first and this is the hard part. I need to find people who has previous experience in writing compelling ads & contents and are aware of those emotional triggers and persuasive writing style. In the other hand, those kind of service providers are not cheap!
Regarding the lander i created, what element can be added/modified/removed to make it a good LP?
I modified the theme.
Not sure why you changed it to not expire soon?
Unless you have some unique reason then that leaves no urgency for people to register at a later date. I would also use commas (,) instead of full stops (.) when showing the number of registered members which is more common in Canada.
Also I'm not sure why but the guy with the blue box around him stands out too much for me. Unless he was used in the ad before they land on this page, I could see that hindering you. That being said, nobody can give you better advice than the results of your own tests, so throw something out there and start looking at the numbers.
As soon as you mentioned Farsi I remembered something I read on Reddit about the US Government paying up to $250K/year for translators. Just an idea if this doesn't work out
Unless you have some unique reason then that leaves no urgency for people to register at a later date.
What is your comment on the Title & Body?
You're going about it in the wrong way mate. Other than using the correct english and spelling and grammar, you should let the data (clicks) do the designing for you. Not us.
Run the page you have, and rotate it with another page. Keep the page that wins, and then test it against another page. Rinse and repeat.
Your lander is fine to start testing now.
P.s. There is a typo on the page "makre" instead of "make.
modifying themes is good, but in my opinion, it's best to focus on improving headline, the rest of the copy, and then the layout, though the first 2 are significantly more important imo
Originally Posted by keepitsimple
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