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Please rate my LP (17)
11-06-2013 04:27 PM
#1
yourfoothealth (Member)
Please rate my LP
I just created my first LP with unbounce. Here is the screenshot. Any comment would be highly appreciated.
11-06-2013 05:20 PM
#2
vipinext (Member)
I would call it a decent one (LP CTR wise) but I think few changes off the bat could make it more convincing.
1) Work on the copy
2) Mention something like "Registration are open till 06/11/2013" instead of offer may expire soon.
And.....One must do thing will be to test your LP's 
11-06-2013 05:40 PM
#3
yourfoothealth (Member)
Thank you for the comment. The problem is English is my 3rd language
I have no idea what to do? It is really killing me.
11-06-2013 07:32 PM
#4
Mr Green (Administrator)
^^ Stick to campaigns in your language mate! You have an advantage of us English speakers.
11-06-2013 07:46 PM
#5
yourfoothealth (Member)

Originally Posted by
Mr Green
^^ Stick to campaigns in your language mate! You have an advantage of us English speakers.
Wow! I never thought that I will get a quote from you! Thank you for hopping in! Unfortunately, there is no offer for my language! It is Azeri and the 2nd language is Farsi! Now I am kicking my ass to find a solution for my problem.
11-06-2013 11:24 PM
#6
stridone (Member)
I'm sure you could find people online to write good copy for you. Have you tried Fiverr.com? (And by the way, your English isn't that bad at all)
Just search for "copywriting" on Fiverr: http://fiverr.com/gigs/search?utf8=%...99912_2_auto=1

11-07-2013 04:42 AM
#7
Mr Green (Administrator)

Originally Posted by
yourfoothealth
Wow! I never thought that I will get a quote from you! Thank you for hopping in! Unfortunately, there is no offer for my language! It is Azeri and the 2nd language is Farsi! Now I am kicking my ass to find a solution for my problem.

Haha ok wow you have a unique challenge. There a few offers around for Iran, but they are rare.
I see you have two options now.
1. Go for direct linking campaigns. This will limit the amount of copy you will have to write.
2. Hire someone to write for you like @stridone mentioned fiverr or you could try onehourtranslation.com.
Mind you, your copy isn't actually too bad! You can use the STM POF Spy Tool
http://affexpert.com/pofsp1/index.php to get more ideas for your landers.
Your lander you have is a good start, but you always want to be split testing others with it.
11-07-2013 07:44 AM
#8
yourfoothealth (Member)
@stridone, I used to be a freelancer there for a while and also managed to find some people to do some stuff for me as well. It's hard to find people who knows what you know! Writing ads, landing page contents is not the thing that everyone is good at. You need to train them first and this is the hard part. I need to find people who has previous experience in writing compelling ads & contents and are aware of those emotional triggers and persuasive writing style. In the other hand, those kind of service providers are not cheap!
11-07-2013 07:52 AM
#9
yourfoothealth (Member)
Haha ok wow you have a unique challenge. There a few offers around for Iran, but they are rare.
BTW, I am living in Greece atm.
1. Go for direct linking campaigns. This will limit the amount of copy you will have to write.
I was doing this DL stuff in the past promoting offers in Bing. I tried dating offers in FB but they were not converting at all. It looks like having an LP is the crucial part of this game.
You can't believe that I have more than 100+ landers in my DB but the key is not to copy! It is not working. So i need to come up with my own things and this is where I start that pain.
Regarding the lander i created, what element can be added/modified/removed to make it a good LP?
11-07-2013 09:05 AM
#10
yourfoothealth (Member)
I modified the theme.

11-07-2013 09:16 AM
#11
ViperChill (Moderator)
Not sure why you changed it to not expire soon?
Unless you have some unique reason then that leaves no urgency for people to register at a later date. I would also use commas (,) instead of full stops (.) when showing the number of registered members which is more common in Canada.
Also I'm not sure why but the guy with the blue box around him stands out too much for me. Unless he was used in the ad before they land on this page, I could see that hindering you. That being said, nobody can give you better advice than the results of your own tests, so throw something out there and start looking at the numbers.
As soon as you mentioned Farsi I remembered something I read on Reddit about the US Government paying up to $250K/year for translators. Just an idea if this doesn't work out 
11-07-2013 09:23 AM
#12
yourfoothealth (Member)
Not sure why you changed it to not expire soon?
Unless you have some unique reason then that leaves no urgency for people to register at a later date.
I know, I am going to put a timer or something like that in that placeholder.
Also I'm not sure why but the guy with the blue box around him stands out too much for me. Unless he was used in the ad before they land on this page, I could see that hindering you.
I thought to place it near the button and make the eye balls grabbed into that region. The images are also linked to the offer.
As soon as you mentioned Farsi I remembered something I read on Reddit about the US Government paying up to $250K/year for translators. Just an idea if this doesn't work out
Wow that is a big salary. I was aware of that!
11-07-2013 09:24 AM
#13
yourfoothealth (Member)
What is your comment on the Title & Body?
11-07-2013 09:42 AM
#14
Mr Green (Administrator)
You're going about it in the wrong way mate. Other than using the correct english and spelling and grammar, you should let the data (clicks) do the designing for you. Not us.
Run the page you have, and rotate it with another page. Keep the page that wins, and then test it against another page. Rinse and repeat.
Your lander is fine to start testing now.
P.s. There is a typo on the page "makre" instead of "make.
11-07-2013 09:51 AM
#15
yourfoothealth (Member)
Your lander is fine to start testing now.
I was just waiting for this to happen! I am going to launch the camp today to see how the LP CTR is.
11-07-2013 12:03 PM
#16
keepitsimple (Member)
modifying themes is good, but in my opinion, it's best to focus on improving headline, the rest of the copy, and then the layout, though the first 2 are significantly more important imo
11-07-2013 03:54 PM
#17
yourfoothealth (Member)

Originally Posted by
keepitsimple
modifying themes is good, but in my opinion, it's best to focus on improving headline, the rest of the copy, and then the layout, though the first 2 are significantly more important imo
Any tips on what to use in my headline & body copy to make it more emotional for that target demo?
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